The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Randomize