Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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