I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
