i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
She told me I should be a condom model.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
