sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
