he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
