Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
