As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
