well you can't waste a boner
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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