Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
