I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
