just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
