I'm passing your future prison.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
