Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
