Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
this will be a night to untag.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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