I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize