I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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