he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
