I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
