It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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