cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
You need a sexual gate keeper
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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