Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Randomize
