she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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