I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Randomize
