so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
