No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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