dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
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