I would go down on you faster than GM stock
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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