my phone needs a breathalizer
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
