We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
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