Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
