I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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