For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Randomize
