I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
