My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
