I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Apparently you make a good broom.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
