I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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