I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
