It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
They took my balls.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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