oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
