My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
