You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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