I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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