ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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