After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
