i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
