I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
