we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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