there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
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