On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
