you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
