We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize
