Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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