I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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