What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
What did we do last night that was yellow?
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Sorry about my life...
Randomize
