You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Randomize