I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
