His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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