The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
