the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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