i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
