I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
