While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
