he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
