end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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