i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
