just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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