I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
