shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize