i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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