i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
