Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
