A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
