if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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