"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
