I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Randomize
