I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
