perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize