Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
