the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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