I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
my sisters under your porch take her home
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
