the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
