I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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